Stirring the Cauldron
by White Mango
Summary: Albus had always had a grand vision of Rose and Scorpius becoming the perfect couple. But it doesn't happen no matter how hard he tries. So he desides to take things in his own hands. Scorpius and Rose body-swap.
1. Chapter 1

**_AN:_****Hello! **

**This is my first fanfiction so please be don't too harsh on me. **

**Feel free to review. I'd really like to know what you think about it! And I should probably tell you that this will not be a very Scorose-y story. It will be more about Albus desperated attempt to make them become a couple. But I might write some Scorose later on, I haven't really decided yet. **

**Enjoy!**

_**Disclaimer: The world and all characters belong to J.K. Rowling**_

_Chapter One_

"Rose, I really need to talk to you." Albus grabbed his cousin's arm to stop her from following Hugo and Aaron outside. It was the summer before seventh year at Hogwarts and their last week at the Burrows. And things were staring to get really bad.

"Sure, Al! What is it?"

"We need to talk in private. I'm really worried about Scorpius."

With a concerned look, Albus dragged Rose up the stairs and into one of the smaller bedrooms. Not entirely willingly since Al held her arm in a pretty tight grip. He closed the door firmly after them and turned slowly around so he could see Rose's face.

"I've talked to Scor all night. He really loves you, you know. He couldn't sleep and he was also crying. A lot. It's because you flirted so much with Aaron, he thinks you don't love him anymore. I tried to tell him you did, but the guy was and still is emotionally damaged. He is really sensitive."

During Albus monologue Rose had changed from looking slightly concerned to like she was ready to hit something, Albus's face to be more precise.

"Albus Sirius Potter, I am going to make three things very clear. One, I did _not_, nor ever will I flirt with Aaron. Second, Scorpius has already told me that you told him a similar story about me and my – I quote – shattered and forever destroyed heart. And third, Scorpius and I have never liked each other in that way nor ever will we. And if you don't stop try to get me and Scorp together I will personally fold every corner of every page in all your books and every single book you'll buy in the future. Am I making myself clear?"

Albus gasped in horror and all his normally red cheeks was now completely white. Rose really knew how to hit him where it hurt the most.

"No you wouldn't" he stuttered. It sounded lame even in his ears.

Rose leaned in forward giving him a stern look; Albus suddenly felt very small and defenseless.

"_Oh, I would."_ She pushed him out of the way and opened the door.

"You're a bloody psychopath!" Albus shouted after her before she disappeared down the stairs. He had to sit down on a bed for a couple of minutes. Just the thought of treating books that way – especially his books – made his knees feel weak.

When he finally came downstairs and saw Scor resting casually against one of the kitchen sinks. His mate looked at him like you would look at someone who's mental health you are worried about. And that was probably the case thought Albus bitterly.

"This have got to stop, Albus."

He didn't even answer him, he just ran out of the house slamming the door very dramatically behind him.

* * *

Albus threw a rock in the lake, groaning in frustration. Stupid Rose. Stupid Scorpius. All he had done was trying to do them a favor but the ungrateful bastards hadn't even thanked him. Al sat down at the landing stage, gazing out over the quiet lake, wondering why everything went so wrong all the time. He didn't know. So he went through everything from the start.

Rose and Albus had always had this special bond even if they weren't very close these days. When he was sorted into Slytherin, with a minor feeling of rebellion, he and Scorpius had become best friends. Naturally, he introduced Scorp and Rosie. It wasn't exactly love at first sight but they came along just fine. Even if Rose started to hang out more and more with her friends in Gryffindor, the three of them had spent all summers at the Burrow together. Once they grew a little older they had started to flirt scandalously with each other. Albus had confronted them both – in private – about their feelings for each other. Rose had laughed in his face and Scorpius had demanded to know what potion he was on. He was sure that they were hiding their feelings, maybe he hadn't stressed enough that he wouldn't judge them. But that was the moment when he realized they were going to need a little help. And with little, he meant massive.

Albus had always had this grand vision of the two of them ending up together. When he found out that they were both planning on starting Auror training after Hogwarts, he had started consider them to be soul mates. Now they could get married AND work together with their shared profession. Perfect, right? He had done everything he could to make their dream (even if they didn't know it yet) come true. He had tied them together with rope for an entire day, he had lured them into meeting each other when they thought they were meeting him. Nothing had yet worked, not locking them up in broom closets – where they would have a lot of privacy - not even pushing them under mistletoes. But now despite all his careful planning, schemes and efforts, it looked like Rose was going to fall in love with Lorcan's buddy Aaron. Albus considered him to be just as smart as granny's ghoul and as charming as a troll covered in stinksap. Needless to say, he didn't like Aaron. Neither did Scorpius. As he said before, things were starting to get really bad.

Suddenly fear gripped his chest. What if he was running out of ideas? What if they would end up with someone else? No. Albus would never allow that to happen, not ever. Not when he was so close to achieving the goal he had worked so hard and so long to achieve.

The month before they'd left school last year, it looked like the whole "Rose and Scorpius" thing actually were going to happen. Albus didn't know what went wrong. Only that it wasn't according to his grand plan. Couldn't they see why they should be together? If not, he could give them a list in alphabetical order.

"Giving up on your matchmaking plans yet?" Albus turned around and saw his little sister Lily approaching.

"Don't be ridiculous. This is just a minor blow!" he answered in a rather defensive tone. "And I had no idea you knew about all that."

Lily laughed mockingly. "Don't look so puzzled. It doesn't suit you." She lay down with her head in his lap. "And I have eyes, brother mine. Discretion isn't one of your stronger sides. But I must agree with you" she continued, "They've got potential to become a great coup-"

"I know" Albus interrupted with a rather irritated voice. "I don't understand what their fucking problem is. I bet it's Rose and all her problems with Slytherin standing in the way."

"Rose is not the only problem! Even you have to admit, Scorpius can be a bit of a sexist sometimes."

There was no denying that, so Albus just grunted in agreement. After some moments of comfortable silence Lily started talking again, more softly this time. "Plus, none of them have never really bothered to figure out the other. They never try to see it from the other one's perspective; walk in the other one's shoes, so to speak. But none of them is really the problem here. I think you would do them a great favor if you just stopped. This is getting rather ridiculous and uncomfterble for everyone. So just, stop."

Unfortunately, Albus hadn't heard the last bit at all; he was for the moment too stunned by his own brilliance to be paying any attention. I can make that happen, he realized and started to working on his new plan on how to get Scorpius and Rose married. It was time to change tactics and start stirring the cauldron a bit. That'll get them to work together, have some shared experience or something. And for me, it'll be a laugh! It's a win - win situation, he thought he had been a fool to lose hope like he had before, in his moment of weakness. This was not yet a lost battle.

* * *

One week before it was time to return to Hogwarts, Albus saw his opportunity to do the first step in his perfectly calculated plot; get the information and recipe he needed. They were all over at Ron and Hermione's for dinner. And while everyone was busy eating, talking, pulling pranks, thronging food and jinxes at each other and doing all the other normal things they did when the brood got together; Albus saw his opportunity to sneak off to Hermione's well stuffed library. He really liked it in here. The dark bookshelves filled with interesting books, the cozy fireplace and the comfortable chairs. It looked a lot like Gryffindor's common room, except this room had a lot more books and less annoying students. Albus closed the door carefully behind him. Now he had to work fast or someone might notice he had gone missing. He walked quickly over the room with confident steps until he reached the potion section. Quickly he found the recipe of the potion he was looking for. He transcribed it with magic to a piece of parchment he'd brought, thinking that he was to be congratulated on his marvelous idea. Albus had just hidden the parchment in his pocket and was on his way to put back the book in the shelf when he suddenly felt someone grab him from behind.

Startled, Albus screamed on top of his lungs and dropped the heavy book on his foot. "Ouch! Merlin's beard and trousers, that hurt!" He turned around and saw Lily behind him. She was laughing and looked extremely pleased with herself.

"Wow, you blow me away with you elegance. " She said in mock amaze.

Albus didn't answer since he was still trying to catch his breath.

"Anyway, Mom told me to go and get you. They've just started with desert and you have to hurry up if you want some" Lily told him, still chuckling. "We both know how Uncle Ron can be when it comes to desserts."

"Oh, I believe me I really do! I'll better come with you." Still shaking Albus picked up the book from his hurting foot. While he followed his sister downstairs, Albus smiled to himself. Step one done! When he was back at Hogwarts was it time initiate the next part of this genius plan.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: _****It all belongs to J.K. Rowling, as you already know.**

_Chapter Two_

Albus sighed in relief as he heard the bell announcing that the last lesson for the day had finally come to an end. Normally, he liked potions. But today had been different; it felt like it had gone on forever and professor Viggus had been even more insufferable than usual. Normally she was content with giving him over-swelling smiles and elaborated compliments about his potions that - to be honest - were by no means better than everyone else's. But today had professor Viggus given him hints about how beautiful eyes he had and Albus _really_ preferred to brew his potions without someone elderly witch hanging over his cauldron. Albus started to feel more and more cheerful the further away he got from the classroom. Now he had the whole weekend in front of him and he had a lot of things that needed to be done - ingredients to find, potions to brew, friends to poison and stuff like that.

For five weeks now had Albus been back at Hogwarts. Things had gone very slow and he had made too little progress for his own liking. But things were about to change. Maybe he could break into the greenhouse this weekend and collect some belladonna, the last ingredients he needed for the potion.

As Albus made his way to the great hall he thought of the things he had accomplished so far. He had never done such a difficult potion before and he had found it very hard to find time to sneak without anyone noticing. Thankfully, the last thing James had done before graduating was passing on the Marauder's Map to Albus. He sent a grateful thought to James. Avoiding patrolling perfects and a certain caretaker was tricky enough even with the map in his possession. But now Lily had borrowed it and even if he needed the flowers he wasn't sure if he was prepared to risk getting caught after curfew. There could be awkward questions.

Thankfully, the other ingredients hadn't been as hard to come by; the cat hair had been easy enough to collect even if his dorm mate Zabini had walked through the door just to witness him not only chasing Zabini's hysterical cat around the room, but also when Albus had ripped some hairs from the poor creature. Albus didn't notice Zabini's now furious presence till after he had thrown his fist into the air bellowing "SUCCESS". Talk about creating an awkward atmosphere. But to get the peppermint leaves, all he did was to stroll into the kitchen and ask the house elves -

"Albus, are you listening to a single word I'm saying?" Rose looked rather annoyed at this point.

"Of course I did!" He answered, only a couple of seconds too late. Truth be told, Albus had kind of forgotten that she was there.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Is it just me, or is my dearest cousin even more retarded than usual on this fine evening?" Rose asked Scorpius, who had just caught up with them.

"Oh, you think this is one of his daft moments? Last night he confused my bed with his own. Even if it was very cuddly and all with him landing on top of me, I'd prefer not waking up by getting elbowed in the face."

Rose laughed more at this than Albus found necessary. He couldn't really protect his pride and ego by telling them the truth - he had been too busy trying to come up with a way to slip them potion that he hadn't bothered minor details like which bed belongs to whom. So he just looked at them like they were all beneath him before they two boys waved goodbye to Rose as she headed to the Gryffindor table.

"Come on Al, let's go grab a seat. I'm starving". Scorpius casually put his arm around Albus's shoulders. But Albus thought his friend's continued good mood must be faked since they both had seen Rose choosing a seat next to butt-face-Aaron. That settled it - map or not, he had to get that Belladonna tonight, whatever the costs, he couldn't afford lose a single more day.

* * *

Ninja. That was the word that popped into Albus mind as he crawled his way into the greenhouse later that evening. He easily found the right plant. He _almost _had collected the necessary amount he needed when suddenly he heard footsteps approaching and the door was slowly being opened. Albus had never moved so fast in his entire life as he did when he ran and threw himself under one of the tables nearby. With further inspection, from under the table, he realized recognized those pair of shoes. What the hell was professor Longbottom doing in the greenhouse at this hour? Luckily he had walked in backwards due to the amount boxes he was carrying. That few but precious extra seconds saved his ass. Even if he knew uncle Neville well, he seriously doubted that the professor would let him go unpunished just for friendship sake if he found a student stealing his plants after curfew.

Neville hummed a song Albus had never heard before while he was walking around watering some of the plants. All of a sudden the professor stopped and glanced around him as to check if the greenhouse and the yard outside really were empty. Albus was sure that he was in trouble when he heard Neville inhale sharply and he almost exclaimed in surprise when Neville exploded in:

_MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD._

_AND THEY'RE LIKE, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS. _

_DAMN RIGHT IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS_

_I CAN TEACH YOU BUT I HAVE TO CHARGE._

Wait, what?! Was that a song?! And did he call that singing?! Neville sang wholeheartedly while watering the rest the plants dancing. Albus found the whole situation very uneasy. Especially disturbing was the fact that he was now willing to bet his life that Neville could shake his hips better than Dominique ever could. And that is saying something. Still, you'd have to admire the intensity and spirit in his performance. Albus could never have guess that Longbottom had it in him. Plus, he'd never heard of anyone with such a great talent to invent new keynotes that Albus was sure hadn't existed until now. He just hoped – for the sake of people's sanity - that they would never be used again.

Neville stopped his one man show abruptly when he accidently knocked down a pot during one of his rather violent ass shakes. When he heard the door finally closing behind professor Longbottom he was immensely relieved and Albus realized he'd been holding his breath for so long that he started to feel dizzy. He hadn't even been discovered when Neville had picked up the pot from the floor very near where Albus had been hiding, he couldn't believe his luck! Quickly, he collected what he needed. Still feeling a bit disorganized by Neville's dance, Albus crawled back through the window and ran all the way back into the broom closet where he had hid everything.

* * *

"Huffelpuff haven't got a chance and they know it, not now when McCoy is injured. I'm telling you Al, Rawenclaw will defiantly win!" said Scorpius with great confidence.

The pair of them was making their way down to the Quidditch pitch to watch the opening match between Huffelpuff and Rawenclaw. Albus was about to agree with him when Rose caught up with them.

"You're forgetting one thing" She told Scorpius. "McCoy wasn't Huffelpuff's biggest asset. They still got a much better seeker than Rawenclaw. I reckon Fuller will catch the snitch first."

"Wanna bet on it?"

Albus was pretty sure Scorpius wasn't being very serious with this suggestion. But maybe he was, seeing that Scorp is almost as competitive as Rosie. _Almost._

"I accidently came by a sixty year old bottle of pumpkinjuice a while ago.. Looser drinks a mouthful?" She suggested grinning.

"Oh it's on." And they shook hands to seal the deal.

I told you, he thought while watching them, they're soul mates. It wasn't much of a match really. Rawenclaw swept the floor with Huffelpuff and for each goal Rawenclaw did Scorpius gave Rose a very superior I-told-you-so-look.

"See this is what happens when girls think they understand Quidd- Nooooo! This cannot be happening!" Scorpius buried his face in his hands as he saw the Huffelpuff seeker catch the snitch right under the Rawenclaw seeker's nose. Rose started to cheer and jump up and down excitedly.

"HA! It was not enough! You guys really don't know how to count, Rawenclaw still wins!" Albus roared to them both trying to make himself heard over Rawenclaw's loud cheering. "Looks like both of you are going to have to drink after all-" This was it! He realized as he looked at his two best friends less than content faces. This was the moment he's been waiting for!

"I'll go and fetch it for you! Where did you say it was?" Albus had a hard time to conceal his enthusiasm while waiting for Rose to answer. The last thing he wanted to do was to give himself away now, just because he had a terrible poker-face.

"I didn't. But it's behind a box on the shelf to the left in the broom closet next to the Trophy Room."

"I'll meet you on the third floor, you know the place." Albus started to walk towards the castle as quickly as he could.

"Where the hell did that came from?" Scorpius asked an equal puzzled Rose.

Albus didn't have time hear the response since he had started running.

* * *

"Well, I'd better be off." Albus told them after handing over the bottle filled with old pumpkinjuice and potion. "I'd rather not see you puking all over yourself" he added grinning while hastily walking away from them.

None of them responded but instead they glared at the bottle with a disgusted look on their faces. Perhaps they were starting to regret the whole thing, or maybe they just didn't want to be the first one to do it if the other one would chicken out. Focused on the bottle they didn't even notice that Albus was hiding behind the suit of armor further down the hall instead of leaving a he had told them.

"Well, it's just a mouthful. It can't possibly be that bad." Rose shrugged after a few more moments of silence. Then she took a deep swig from the dusty bottle.

"And I was wrong" Rosie said when she found her voice again, her face looking slightly green as she passed the bottle to Scorpius.

"Cheers" Scorpius swallowed the disgusting beverage.

Albus had a hard time keeping himself from dancing a wild dance worthy of uncle Neville while laughing like a maniac. Success at last! Rose and Scorpius both fell to the ground seemingly unconscious.


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN:_****Okay, so this is where the complicated stuff begins. So from here on, when I write the name Rose, you need to picture Scorp's body. And when you read something happening to Scorpius, you need to picture Rose's body. Otherwise, things will get really confusing. **

_**Disclaimer: I owe nothing. **_

_Chapter three_

After a couple of minutes when none of them still haven't moved; Albus started to get worried. Did he really think this through properly? What if he had actually seriously injured them? Albus felt and urge to go and fetch the matron, Hanna Abbott, when he finally heard them groaning and saw them stir a little. Albus still lured around the corner so he'd be able to see if it actually had worked.

With a look of utter horror and total confusion – Rose and Scorpius were both watching the bodies that used to be them.

"What the- Why am I looking at myself?" Rose said accusingly with her now very dark voice.

"WHY DO I HAVE YOUR HAIR?" screeched Scorpius in a very shrill tone as he grabbed his red and unruly curls.

And after a couple of more confused minutes with shouting accusations at each other they stared at the old bottle with dark eyes.

"You think it was pollyjuice?" Scorpius asked Rose, now sounding very tired.

"It can't be. We drank from the sat bottle and you can't put two hairs in the same potion. Plus-"

"I get the point! I was just hoping I would be back in my own body in an hour."

The sound of some celebrating Rawenclaws drew nearer and Rose and Scorpius got up from the floor trying to look as if nothing had happened. Scorpius started to inspect his new female body. The other students were now in the same corridor when Scorpius fascinated rose his hands –

_"Don't you DARE touch the boobs! THEY ARE MINE!" _Rose bellowed with a dangerous voice while pointing at them.

The cheering and laughing had stopped. Everybody stared at the tall blond boy – who they all thought was Scorpius – and as they hurried past them a couple of the fifth years muttered "pervert" under their breath. Albus, who had watched all these events from his hideout, congratulated himself once again and made his way down to the common room. This could be very interesting.

* * *

Albus spent that entire Sunday evening in the common room studying, but he had the Marauder's Map next to him the entire time. He wanted Rose to come back in her Scorpius-suit and she how she acted in a room full of Slytherins – especially since that she would now be liked. But the two dots labeled Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley was walking around in the library all afternoon – probably looking for some answers and a cure – and Rose didn't step into the dorm until Albus had already fallen asleep.

When Albus woke up the next morning was Scorpius bed already empty. Rose must have wanted to get out of there before the other could talk to her. He wondered when he would see the results of all his hard work. He didn't have to wait long and interesting it was.

Albus saw them standing in a corner outside the Great Hall as he was on his way to breakfast. He approached them but both were too busy arguing that they didn't pay him any attention. As Albus came closer so he could eavesdrop he had to use all his self-control not to start laughing. This was not what he had expected; Albus had ever in his entire life seen his cousin look so neat and stunning.

"Well, I know this is not how you normally look. But you had all this stuff and I have never had a chance to try it before – I simply couldn't resist. Besides, I couldn't sleep so I had to do something." said Scorpius, stuttering as Rose pierced her eyes on him. Apparently she could still do that look that terrified most people no matter which body she was in. Scorpius was now blushing so violently that you could hardly see the freckles – the Weasley family trait.

Albus knew that his friend was a real talent when it came to art and drawing. But he could never have guess that he also would be such a natural when it came to make-up. Or hair, for that matter; the red hair was no longer unruly and frizzy - instead it was more sleek and lay in perfect shaped curls.

"Hi, everyone! Have I missed something?"

The three of them froze with an alarmed look upon their faces. They turned around to see Lily standing just a few meters away. _How _did she always manage to sneak up on everyone like that?! Lily didn't seem to notice how guilty all three of them looked or she just ignored it. She turned to Scorpius whom Rose was still glaring at.

"Wow, Rose! You look incredible, what's the occasion?" She wiggled her eyebrows giving him a sly and knowingly look.

"Thank you!" He beamed at her; his confidence was suddenly much better. "It took all night and I'm very proud over the result! Even Scorpius doesn't seem to recognize beauty even if he stares it right in the face." Scorpius continued giving Rose a playful smile; who didn't return the smile but just looked at him nonplussed.

"Sounds fascinating, but I woke up with the most serious carving for toast. So let's go, you can tell me all about it when we are there!" Lily grabbed his hand and they started to walk towards the Gryffindor table.

"Shall we, Al?" Rose suggested and made a vague hand gesture towards their table.

"Absolutely, _Scorp._"

When they had reached the table the insecurity was written all over Rose's pale face. But she relaxed as they found seats away from everyone else. Halfway through breakfast Roach and Zabini came and sat down on each side of Rose.

Albus greeted them with just a nod since he was drinking from his goblet. Both of them said hello and Albus saw the panic rise once again in the silver grey eyes. And instead of saying hi, like a normal and sane person, Rose gave them one really hard pat on their backs – that must have hurt a lot. Albus snorted into his pumpkin juice as he saw the half chocked looks on Roach and Zabini's faces.

After breakfast they made their way to herbology, their first class for the day. Albus had found the breakfast quite unsatisfying, even if he had to acknowledge the brilliance in Rose telling everyone that she was tired and not wanting to talk. In that way she could stay unbothered and to Albus grave disappointment she had escaped making a complete fool of herself – apart from the really embarrassing start. Albus kept his hopes up high; they had herbology with Gryffindor since it was their NEWT year.

When they stood in the greenhouse Albus could think of little else but the night when he had spent almost ten minutes watching Neville shake his ass. You don't forget things like that easily.

"Mr. Malfoy, can you please tell me what this is?" Professor Longbottom asked Rose, pointing at the plant in front of him. The mischievous look in her eyes gave Albus an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

"I have no idea. I think it's better if you ask Miss Weasley; she is so talented and so smart. She is not only very beautiful; she is also the cleverest witch I've ever had the fortune to meet. Rosie beats me in every subject and she never seeds to amaze me with her utter brilliance"

Professor Longbottom just stared at the tall blond boy along with the rest of the class, with his mouth slightly open. Scorpius freckled cheeks was turning red again, but this time not from embarrassment but from fury.

"Oh, you can't possibly mean that Scorpius!" Scorpius gave a brainless giggle and threw the red curls seductively over her shoulder, still sounding rather aggressive. "You know I can't concentrate when you are in the same room. Just look at those _muscles_!" He faked a very ragged breath.

Longbottom finally closed his mouth. "Twenty points from Slytherin and Gryffindor. Miss Garland, could you please give us the answer instead?" The professor interrupted Rose before she got the chance to say anything more and ignored the snickering from the rest of the class.

"It's a Snargaluff plant, sir." Albus heard a girl from Gryffindor answer quickly. He was about to start laughing like a maniac any second now but seeing the look on Scorpius's face made him dead serious again. He was making his plotting-revenge-face. So much for getting them to "work together".

* * *

The red curls were bobbed up and down as Scorpius made his way down towards the table where Albus and Rose who were eating their lunch. A bunch of first years hurried out of the way from the angry red head. Albus heard a little worried "Uh-oh" from Rose next to him. She probably expected him to bring up what happened just this morning.

"You can't _believe _what just happened to me!" He blurted out before any of them got a chance to speak. "Roach just put his hand under my skirt and touched my butt. WHO DOES THAT?" He looked at them and you could see the chock written all over his face. "IT'S DISGUSTING"

Rose cleared her throat. "Eh, what did you do?"

"Let's just say I'll be surprised if he can walk, sit or pee without crying from pain this week." He said with a vicious voice. "I just never knew he did things like this."

"Well, it's not that unusual, especially not at parties. Hasn't it happened to any of your female friends _Rose?" _The look Rose gave Scorpius was so obvious; she wanted him to shut up before he let anything slip but he didn't seem to listen as he walked passed them.

"It's a mad world. MAD WORLD I TELL YOU." He shouted in their general direction as he hurried down the hall.

* * *

When Albus got to bed that night, he could state that these two events were the only exciting thing that had happened that day. Albus was still very pleased since Rose really had bonded with Zabini all afternoon. They had sat in the common room making bad puns about everything and then laugh until they couldn't breathe. Needless to say, they were also the only ones laughing.

Albus fell asleep with a large grin plastered on his face.

* * *

_**AN: Please let me know if it was too confusing! **_


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: **_**I know this is a very short chaper. That's why I'll post the fifth and last chapter right now, it's much longer than this one. **

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the world or the characters. **_

_Chapter Four_

Albus woke up and felt ready to kill. He generally hated waking up and the fact that Zabini and Rose stood on each side of his bed shaking it for all they had while screaming his name on top of their lungs.

"WHAT?" Albus sat up with a roar. And his two tormentors ran out of the dorm giggling like the idiots they were. He wasn't sure he liked Rose bonding with Slytherins after all.

When the owls arrived that morning he was surprised to see James's majestic owl sweep down and deliver a letter to him.

_Al, _

_Mom insisted that I should write and ask you myself. But I'm going to have a couple of friends over and one of them needs a place to sleep. So I guess it's okay if he uses your bedroom? But they will be here soon so please write back as fast as you can. _

_Oh, and can you tell Lily that me and Myranda I back together and that Myranda wanted to meet Lily next time you go to Hogsmead for some – I quote – girl time. I'll think she'll be pleased to hear the news. _

_/James_

He found a quill and some parchment and wrote back. Albus read the last part again and snickered at his brother's stupidity.

_James,_

_I seriously doubt that Lily will be pleased since she went through all that trouble to break you guys up last time. _

_And sure, you can use my bedroom. Don't break anything._

_Tell Mom and Dad I said hi._

_/ Albus_

He had a lot of trouble convincing the owl to carry his letter back since that owl had always hated him. But after mentioning "James" a couple of times it allowed him to tie the letter to his leg. As Albus watched the bird fly away, a small part of him wondered if he shouldn't have told James about Lily. He decided that it would hardly make any difference anyway.

He thought about all the things Lily had done to break them up. She'd had great success with it as well. Of course! Albus smiled as the brilliance of his own plan occurred to him. He had to recruit Lily to his matchmaking plans! He would never tell her about the potion and all that, she didn't need to know. But Lily would be a great asset anyway.

He saw her getting ready to leave the Great Hall so he ran and caught up with her. He took her arm and pulled her away from Roxy whom she was currently speaking to.

"You know that thing we talked about when we were at the lake at Gran's this summer?" Albus answered her when she wondered what the hell he was up to.

"Yes, what about it?"

"You said you agreed with me, that Scorp and Rosie would fit together." Lily looked much more interested now and Albus continued. "I was thinking, that maybe you wanted to work on this with me. I think that the two of us really could make this happen faster than if I worked on my own."

Lily crossed her arms over her chest and grinned at him. "You know what, I think that this is the best idea you've had this year."

"But you need to consult with me first, I'll still be head of this operation." Albus said firmly, this was not up for debate.

"Fine." She sighed as she rolled her eyes. "I already have an idea for today." Lily stood on her tippy toes and whispered the plan to him. And the more she told him, the broader did his smile get.

"See you at lunch." And they shook their hands to seal the deal.

Albus and Lily choose a suit of armor to hide behind, just outside the classroom where their victims DADA class would start any second now. Their excitement rose as they heard Scorpius and Rose's voices drawing nearer. Unfortunately, they got way too excited so when they walked around the corner, Lily threw a sticking charm before she realized that it wasn't just Rose and Scorp, Zabini was with them as well.

Albus immediately regretted recruiting Lily as he heard her "whoopsie" and saw how Zabini and Rose stomachs got attached and how Scorpius stomach got attached to Zabini's back.

Rose and Zabini looked very surprised as their faces now were inches from each other. Scorpius looked equally surprised as he was now looking into the back of Zabini's head and were unable to move.

After a lot of confusion and some debate, the three of them decided that the best thing to do was to try and reach their classroom and get some help from there.

"No, we have to start with the right foot." The panic in Scorpius voice was unmistakable.

"NO, NO, NOOO." Zabini shouted in despair as the three of them fell to the ground like three helpless Siamese penguins.

After a lot of team work they would have been able to rise if Rose hadn't started to laugh like a maniac and made them all fall down again. Albus and Lily had to use all their self-control not to expose their hideout because of loud laughter.

It took lots of "no, not that foot", "now you rise up just a little bit" and "no, NO, not that way" until all of them finally stood on their feet.

And with a coordinated "right, left, right, left" they made their way waddling down the hall. This was something that the students who witnessed this would never forget. As the rumor spread the story would only become more and more hilarious each time.

Luckily for the three of them, professor Virditus was able to detach them from each other, as soon as he had finished laughing.


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN: **_**Here we have it, the last chapter of this short little story. **

**Enjoy!**

_Chapter Five_

The look on Scorpius face as he glared at all the food on the breakfast table made Albus feel slightly worried. He nodded towards the Gryffindor table and Rose followed him there.

"Has something happened?" Albus asked.

"It's just… My stomach hurts and my back hurts. And I want to eat everything but I also feel like I shouldn't eat anything because I just feel so fat." He was on the verge of tears. Lily sat next to him, stroking her finger gently up and down over Scorpius's lower back.

"Excuse me?!" Rose looked like she was going to lose it and go ballistic any second.

"Don't worry, it's only her period talking. There is no need to sound so angry." Lily said with her usual calm voice.

"Period? What period?" Scorpius stood up from his seat at the table. Confusion written all over his freckled face.

After staring at each other and muttering "Shit, shit, shit" under their breaths for a couple of moments, Rose and Scorpius ran away from the Great Hall, more at the same time than actually together it would seem.

Lily looked Albus in the eyes. "I know what you did to them. Bother, we really need to talk." He started to twitch uncomfterble. But her next sentences surprised him even more than the fact that she had figured out what he had done.

"But not right now. I really want to hear their conversation. This is shit is hilarious." She grabbed his hand and they started running after Scorpius and Rose.

"We don't even know where they went." Albus panted when they stopped outside the hall.

"Unlike you, I always come prepared." Lily said with great confidence a she took out the Marauder's Map from her cloak. She quickly found the names she was looking for they were still moving, there were names of other students wandering around in almost every corridor so Albus guessed they were trying to find somewhere private.

After muttering "mischief managed" Lily looked skeptically up at her exhausted brother. "You do know that we only ran like 40 yards right?"

"Oh, come on!" Albus sounded a bit annoyed since his lack of condition was a touchy subject.

They ran as fast as they could up the stairs and through the halls and found them eventually at the same place where Albus had tricked them into drinking the potion. Just as they were about to round the corner Lily stopped him, took out the invisibility cloak and hid them both under it. When she had told him she came prepared, she hadn't been kidding.

"How come you have it? It was hidden in my trunk –"

"Shhh!" Lily interrupted him, giving Albus a now-is-not-a-good-time-look.

They walked towards Scorpius and Rose as quiet as they could. Albus had a hard time breathing quiet since he was out of breath from all the running.

"I think we're alone now." Rose told Scorpius with a hushed voice.

"You've got to be kidding me. I can't be on the rag. I'm a GUY! I wasn't designed to be able to handle this." Scorpius was on the verge of tears.

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, YOU'RE IN MY BODY NOW. AND YOU CALLED ME FAT YOUR ASSHOLE." Rose shouted back. "And you shouldn't feel so sorry for yourself, I've had to suffer through it more times than you ever will. PLUS, have you any idea of how awkward I feel, and a little disgusted, every single time I have to go to the bathroom."

"I disgust you?" Scorpius took one step closer. "You break my heart." He teased her with a hurt voice. "Because I'm rather enjoying it in here."

Now Rose stepped closer to him. They were almost touching now.

"I'll show you things that will make you enjoy it even more." Rose leaned in over him, taking advantage of that she was now taller than Scorpius. And then she murmured into his ear "I have to show you how to use a tampon."

Scorpius jerked away from her. His face was now completely pale.

"That's disgusting."

"Well don't think I'll enjoy it either. But it looks like we are getting to know each other a bit more now. Also, you really need to find some painkillers before the real cramps starts setting in." Rose said and they walked away, both looking really awkward as they did.

"What if we never get our real bodies back?"

Albus and Lily didn't hear Rose' response to this, since they had walked out of sight. They waited a bit longer – just to be sure Rose and Scorpius really were gone - before they took off the cloak and looked at each other; not being able to decide if they should laugh or not.

"Well that changes things. You need to change them back." The way Lily said it made Albus sure that it wasn't debatable.

"There is just one tiny little problem. I don't have all the ingredients for the change-back-potion."

Lily starred at him blankly for a couple of seconds.

"My brother is a fucking imbecile." She sounded like there wasn't any hope left in this world as she face palmed. "I guess I have to help you get out of this stupid mess." Lily continued. "What do you need?"

"Leech juice."

"Well…" Lily's smile couldn't be described like anything else but creepy. She always looked like this when she was making grand plans. "I know exactly what to do."

"Step one: Clothes and hair." Lily walked back and forth, looking more like a general than a young schoolgirl. She told him the rest of her plan and Albus was pretty sure that this was the worst plan he'd ever heard, but he didn't have much choice but to go with it.

Lily insisted that they should work on step one in Albus's dorm. Even if he tied to tell her that Zabini would kill him if he'd find a Gryffindor in his room. She didn't even change her mind when he pointed out the fact that this was Scorpius's dorm as well, so Rose could walk in any second. Albus started to doubt that his sister wanted him alive.

"I do feel kind of bad for Scorpius though." Lily said after she's order him to sit on his bed so she could fix his hair so it would look perfectly tousled.

"Why? Because his best friend is going to get murdered by his mental dorm mate? Which would be your fault by the way."

Albus winced a little when Lily hit him in the back of his head.

"No, silly. Because he has to listen to Rose's dorm mates obsess about him."

"Are you kidding me? He's probably enjoying every second. Merlin knows he likes to boost his gigantic ego."

Lily snickered. "You have a point. But you know that they can be a bit inappropriate sometimes." Albus knew that all too well.

"Now to the clothes. I think you're school uniform will do. But skip the cloak, wear a shirt that is too small – it needs to be tight – loose the first two buttons and roll up your sleeves. I'll meet you there in twenty minutes."

When Albus arrived twenty minutes later, he didn't see Lily anywhere. Albus sighed over his sister's inability to be on time when someone grabbed him from behind.

"GGAAAH STOP IT LILY!" Albus screeched in a high pitched voiced since he had no doubts who it was. But when he turned around, it took a second before he recognized her. She wore completely black clothes, she had hid all her orange hair in one of Albus black beanies and every inch of her face was painted black, including her eyelids. She even wore black gloves.

"I'm ready!" She beamed at him.

"What happened to just using the invisibility cloak?"

"It's too easy. I'm a ninja. And ninjas don't use invisibility cloaks." She said dismissively.

"Don't you dare, I'm the ninja in this family!" Albus was ready to fight for the 'family ninja title'. Lily ignored him completely (almost like it wasn't the most important thing ever, Albus thought very upset to himself) and made her way towards the door with confident steps.

Albus looked after her. "We are so going to be expelled."

After one last look at the completely dark Lily, he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

It opened. He smiled his most charming smile.

"Hi, Professor, I hope this is not a bad time."

Professor Viggus looked pleasantly surprised and smiled back overwhelmingly.

"It's never a bad time when it comes to you my dear boy. How did you know I was at my storage and not in my office?"

"Lucky guess, I guess." Albus dragged his hand through his hair as casual as possible. This was the weirdest thing he had ever done. He took her arm and gently dragged her out of the little room. And Lily sneaked in as fast and quiet as she could.

"The truth is Professor, I really wanted to ask you something." He licked his lips.

"Go ahead, ask me anything." She leaned in just a little closer. This was too close and Albus started to get uncomfterble.

"Well… I don't really know how to tell you this."

"You can tell me anything."

Now she was even closer. Where the hell was Lily doing? How hard could it be to find the right bottle? Albus really needed to find a way to give Lily some more time.

"It might get weird and I don't want you to misunderstand or think I'm weird."

"I won't think you're weird – what was that?"

To Albus horror, Lily had accidentally bumped into the door so hard it made a really loud squeak. When Professor Viggus was turning around towards the door Albus panicked and threw his arms around his Professor and pulled her into a tight hug. This was by far the most ridiculous thing he had ever done and that is saying something. Lily froze in her movement and stared at him in bewilderment.

After a half second of hesitation she put her arms back around him. Well this was really awkward. Finally Lily realized that she was supposed to hide and she disappeared into the shadows.

Albus pulled away.

"Thank you. I just wanted to ask for a hug, because you remind me so much of my grandmother and I missed her so much this evening. So thank you, that helped a lot." He gave her a quick smile and then walked away as fast as he could without running.

"That was the worst plan we ever had!" Albus burst out as soon as he caught up with Lily who was standing a few halls away laughing her ass off. "Please tell me you've got the juice?"

Lily held up the little flask since she was unable to talk for the moment.

"I can't, believe, you hugged her." She said when she finished laughing enough to get some air. Albus remembered the Professor's surprised face and couldn't do anything else but to join her laugh.

Albus walked down the halls in a daze of fatigue. Lily and Albus had been up all night to finish the potion that would put Rose and Scorpius back into their own bodies and he could really feel his sleeping loss. They never thought that they would actually be able to finish it just under one night. But when the two of them worked together they could accomplish miracles. He and Lily had one little flask filled with potion each hidden in their cloaks during breakfast. Lily had tricked Scorpius into drinking it at the Gryffindor table and Albus had done the same with Rose over at the Slytherin table. It caused quite the stir as the two of them passed out for a couple of moments at the same time. The relief in Scorpius's face as the realized he was back in his own body was almost comical.

"Oh thank god." Scorpius groaned as he opened his eyes and sat up.

"What just happened?" Zabini asked him.

Scorp put his hand on Zabini's shoulder.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you, mate."

Rose and Scorpius looked at each other and it was impossible to tell what they both were thinking.

The only person Albus had met, who was capable of looking more furious and fearsome than his mother and grandmother was combined was his little sister Lily. And when her left eye started to twitch, as it did now when she saw Albus approaching, you had two alternatives, leave the country or you could face her and pray to Merlin that you would be able to calm her down enough to spare your life. Albus chose the latter and walked slowly towards her.

"Hey, Lily what's up?" He did the best he could to not show her how scared he was. That would only piss her off even more.

"You. Told. James." This was the last thing he heard before his world was filled with bats.

This was also the last thing he remembered before waking up at the Hospital Wing.

"Where the hell have you been all day?" Scorpius asked Albus as he came limping down that evening.

"You've just missed dinner." Rose added.

"It's okay, I ate at the Hospital Wing."

"Hospital Wing? What the hell happened to you?" Scorpius looked slightly worried.

"Lily. I might have pissed her off. A bit."

"You never learn do you?" Rose said as she rolled her eyes and laughed a little at him. "You can't just disappear like that. I've been worried sick all day."

Albus smiled at her. "Sorry."

The whole thing was looking bright. He had found Rose and Scorpius alone, with each other and they didn't suspect him of anything.

And suddenly Lily was there, popping up out of nowhere as she usually did. Albus felt a little hopeful, maybe she had forgiven him now. Lily turned to Rose and Scorp.

"I hear Albus is apologizing for what he did to you." Apparently not. She continued before Albus had a chance to stop her. "It must have been terrible not to be in your own body."

The two pair of eyes that were set upon him was filled with rage.

"You did that to us?"

"It was you?"

Rose and Scorpius said as they totally synchronized pulled out their wands and pointed them at him.

"Now we are even." Lily said with a lovely smiled and left him to his fortune.

He looked back at his two friends and he had never seen them looking so good together, they were in their right element with their wands up and ready to fight.

"You guys will look amazing when you're working together Aurors." Albus couldn't resist smiling at them. "After you've got married, of course."

Two hours later, Albus woke up at the Hospital Wing for the second time that day. He found a note next to his bed. He smiled as he read it. And then he read it again.

_Sorry,_

_I lost my temper. I'll visit you tonight. _

_We need a new plan. _

_/Lily_


End file.
